I don,t care see

I love it
And you
You are the most thing I love
You are sparkle enough

If someone says you are boring' don,t believe them
If there are too many rules' you can ignore them

If in the back of your mind you want to party all the time
I don,t care' see

I love my face
My very own face
I like your bad hair and I love your bad taste

I am the anti punk
You are my secret love
I am a closet thug
You are mysterious

Okay it,s true
Okay it,s true
Sweet like water
Sweaty like dew
Shine in the truth
Sparkle nothing to lose

Dot dot dot...
Boy you are addicted to the way that I smize
Never think twice to never say goodbye
Flavor of the week?
I,m the flavor of your life

TBC OK OK OK OK OK

while i was reading this

  Furthermore, the acts of aggression must not be due to a general medical condition, e.g., a head injury, Alzheimer's disease, etc., or due to substance abuse or medication.

new house part 1

this is the digital part 1

 

winc

witches in nature's colors

color COLOUR

omg i love princess chelsea vid.  it's the best thing i've ever seen. nz chic,

now i'm listening to trust punks
i should have film already, for this moment.  i seriously want to take photos of these guys..  pb adjusted his speakers and now we are listening to it on repeat.  well there are 4 rolls of film coming my way.  i have a feeling this will still be happening around next thurs when they will probably get here.

if i'm allowed, i will take photos of my face painting with the film and if they turn out i can sell them to the parents and put them on the internet.  who doesn't want a REAL photo of their kid with face paint?  maybe we can put it in a cute paper frame.

aweseme x wow i wrote that wrong but i;m just giong to eleave it like that

now pb and i are drinking wine for the single release
good luck, "congratulations on the cool song," i say
we cheers

i have attached the flash to the camera and noticed that it needs 2x aa batteries.  people used to use huge batteries for everything, before usb charging!

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sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh~, i am so impatient.  i hope this will teach me some patience.

or maybe i'm completely insane.

this pink polo shirt at the donut shop is killinh me.  i can't pull off pink on a daily basis! i am sick of looking at it.  it sickens me.  how can i have fun with a such a bold color repeating?

okay maybe this is when i want to wear the white shirt and ask my boss if i can have one, because he gave me four pink shirts and i guess be a feminist and stick up for not wearing pink!  ffs or am i just a DIVA ? no pink m&ms!

p!nk is stink

twenty thirteen

A few weeks later...

I am at my job, alone.  Have barely had time to photographically document my life.  A lot has actually been happening.  I joined instagram to try and help me take daily photos.  It got pretty boring..  the only time I remembered to take photos was at work, so all of my photos were of donuts.   I have now decided to make it a bit more exciting for myself and get some film for an old camera.  I have a few film cameras including a polaroid 1000 and an SLR from my dad (because dads are the original hipsters).  I think the polaroid film is too expensy seeing as I haven't used film for years and years and I will be scared to waste it.  I will give the SLR a go.

The next morning...

Last night I sat down and I pulled the camera to pieces.  In the way that they are meant to come apart, obviously.  The lens, the flash and tried them on my Nikon dslr.  I thought they would fit perfectly.  They didn't.  So I can't just use this 1980 cosina lens on my nikon, damn.  Why not?  I did also have to watch a video online about how to put film in the camera.  I never would have tried winding the (idk even know what this is called) film winder and pulling it out and then pulling it again to pop the (how u say?) back door of the camera open.  I am non technical and fuck u I don't fucking care what you call these things.  I expect you know what I mean if you know what the camera does, and if you don't you wouldn't know even if I used the right words.  You'd have to watch a video.  Like I did.

I also had a really good idea imo, to do this project where I buy two brand new face cloths, then wash my face with one every day for one year.  Take a photo at the end of each week, then I will machine wash it once a week.  The amount of make up and the fading will be apparent.  At the end I will have a brand new face cloth next to a one year old face cloth.  I'm trying to illustrate our cultural use of make up and highlight the amount used.  I am certainly not the only woman to wear make up every day.  Maybe I could use a few subjects like Brooke and Paul, since they live here.  That would make it a little more interesting.  Could get three different colors.  Nice.

I just agreed to buy $500 worth of face paint.  I have 10 weeks to pay it off though.  Not really much I can do about it.  You gotta spend money to make money.  I guess I feel a bit excited about it.  I also just bought 3x 35mm films for the slr.  I have to wait for it to be delivered though.  Some how I will turn those films in to $$$.

Fuck, I really want to develop the photos myself.  I could turn my office in to a dark room.  Just for the time being.  You can learn photo developing on youtube, surely.  I learnt face painting on youtube.  I learned most technical things from yahoo! answers though.  Even about my car.  Just google it and you will know everything.  Like a crystal ball in to the present.  Omniscient internet.

On another note, I'm waiting for the trust punks song to be released!  I have heard it and it's fucking great and everyone knows I can't wait at this point.  I am so obsessed with my boyfriends new band!!  I am having fangirl attacks.  I screamed for half an hour almost when I heard the recording (on repeat).  It's not even like he was in this band when I met him okay.  But it is the BEST band that I knew he would be in one day.  Ever since I saw him play two shows on our first date!  He went from being in four bands when I met him, one year later, in ONE AWESOME BAND.  And he is kind of a freak at bass and cocky and I like it.  Don't one person get a big head that takes up the whole stage cause then the band will be ruined.

new world

today I started a new job.  after living off art for 2 years straight, I was kind of freaking out about how to keep practicing art so hardcore all da time every day.  I figured it was time to go back to the 'art' of documenting my life.  a very efficient way to produce something new every day without fail.

it begins

even this one blurry photo was a bit of a stretch today

i kept intending to take it and forgetting

i will do better

fugly

i don't give a shit about your art or your love or your feelings of regret
just don't even look at the pictures i drew of your face and your hands and your hair
just fuck right off and turn the other cheek please
i hate your art anyway it's ugly
i hate your love anyway it's gross
i don't want to watch you paint the floor with passion
or fall over in confusion
i don't care about the way you see my body
you are a beastly a piece of life that could corrupt a person inside
your appearance is terrible and so is my art
there was never a place more suitable for your frightful features to feature

 don't bring it up again
i won't be gracious

beyond a shadow of a doubt

I thought I was the answer to your prayer

but you never asked for me you just chased me til I loved you

you never made me cringe and so I let you sleep in my bed every day

all day every day

while I tried to get my feet on the ground and my business off the ground

you never hurt my feelings so I let you cuddle me for as much time as you liked

all night every night

while I slept right by your side

you were the perfect warmth

you were the perfect love

you showed me pieces of a person I had never met with my heart

but now I guess it doesn’t matter because all your wishes and all the glitter are just like stars

really far away and not very attainable

big 50 lyf - LEGALI$E

BIG 50 LYF

I am awake of too many kinds.  I feel too concerned with the world.  I dream of nowhere.  It is thinner than the galaxy?  Is it because I read of presidents who give back?  I expect more of our nation.  Tbh I hate NZ.  I heard about a president who legalized cocaine to make it safe.  You know, prescribing it to addicts and eliminating gang involvement and setting standards for purity.
“Driving under the influence of drugs is common and widespread, yet only one in 10 New Zealanders perceive it to be an issue.”  I think majority rulz and we should legalize + promote greenz.  I think these 'driving on drugs' ads have at least informed our government of our beautiful stash here in NZ.. and hopefully that has increased the awareness of the huge impact of marijuana on NZ.  It is not only an emotional bond with mother earth, but in most cultures, a spiritual rite.  I don’t think this rite should not be taken from any individual.  I mean, you earned a bit of smoking right?

So I just went for it and took it. It’s not that I’m embarrassed and that’s why I don’t want anyone to see me, it’s just that, I really like to push myself to not get caught.

I fear I’m becoming increasingly numb to the mundane samplings of love I am dished out. The world is dangerous. I nearly die every day, but I somehow don’t. I never really have to think about it at all. I am not fighting for survival by any means. Language is the opportunity we needed to really embrace each other. Love? It’s lost on me.

People write their signs and I am to obey. People write laws and I have to adhere. Why does this make me sick? Why do I want to fuck things up so bad? I want to fuck things up NEW ZEALAND, I want to fuck things up.

Now, I hope that everyone can see that I will.

Starting with, I won’t read your sign for $9.99, I’ll just help myself.

I am sort of not generally inclined to be interested in sticking to rules. But well, that comes from a miscommunication that started way back in my early years and confused my perception of humanity. This altered my ability to love generically. If I was capable of actual love, then I would have had to be raised in perfect love. Impossible! So of course early on in life, something ruined me, spoiled me rotten in this way.

I’m taking shape and I’m not falling apart.

Yeah, keep saying it. You’ll believe it sooner or later.

I have never succumb to a culture, yes that’s how I see it. I have sampled many and none are satisfactory.  I am stuck with the culture I belong to.  The culture of Auckland City.  What we have to do as humans is be in constant war. Why are we living in society like this? Love has ruined everything about nature! Why can’t anyone see that? You are all delusional, we should not be under the law. This is a case of freedom and rights! We should not use money. We are ruining everything about nature with money also. DELETE money from planet earth today!

As if.

Just fall apart New Zealand. I am pulling your roots out from the ground.

We live in peace, just agree. We needs to legalize some things.

And is that why I hate you? No way. No man. It’s the 21st century and we live under pressure. 2013 might explode us, well I hope so. I just want to fuck this place up. No good could possibly come of anything but war. Even if that war is against the earth and not each other. We are built to survive on working hard. We should have not let love and money go so far. We are going to die as a species if we don’t learn how to live.

Habitual zen & true love & guardians

Life taught me to die.

 guardian aliens, 2012

There is something that changes when you’ve been selfish about things for long enough. That AWKWARD moment when your life has no meaning because all of it has been based on your own possibilities, your ideals. These past actions: impulsive in fleeting moments, a string of self indulgent pleasures. Hard to decline, not that you tried. Impossible to regret. You never really thought about things at the time, it just felt natural. Right. Nothing on your mind, until now. Then when you lie in bed - in that moment - you automatically pray, ‘God what do you think of all I’ve done?’ You listen. Nobody answers. Wait, you think you felt it. The answer. Something inside (or possibly outside) is telling you that you can do better, you deserve better. What you have learnt is that following your every instinct doesn’t always equal success. This is terrifying and it makes you feel lost. Then when you lie in bed you pray, ‘God, are you even there?’ And suddenly you are searching for God.

The age of the glory of the one true love.

I don’t need a mirror to see that i am flawed. But love to me is love to him.

deities, 2012

don't go there, 2012

spiral, 2012

push th little daisies, 2012

 

not on my fence, 2012

 

natural love, 2011

self help, 2011

I always get what I want, so I try not to want too much.