machel rargaret: March 2013

Thursday, March 21, 2013

new world

today I started a new job. after living off art for 2 years straight, I was kind of freaking out about how to keep practicing art so hardcore all da time every day. I figured it was time to go back to the 'art' of documenting my life. a very efficient way to produce something new every day without fail.

it begins

even this one blurry photo was a bit of a stretch today

i kept intending to take it and forgetting

i will do better

fugly

i don't give a shit about your art or your love or your feelings of regret
just don't even look at the pictures i drew of your face and your hands and your hair
just fuck right off and turn the other cheek please
i hate your art anyway it's ugly
i hate your love anyway it's gross
i don't want to watch you paint the floor with passion
or fall over in confusion
i don't care about the way you see my body
you are a beastly a piece of life that could corrupt a person inside
your appearance is terrible and so is my art
there was never a place more suitable for your frightful features to feature

don't bring it up again
i won't be gracious

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

beyond a shadow of a doubt

I thought I was the answer to your prayer

but you never asked for me you just chased me til I loved you

you never made me cringe and so I let you sleep in my bed every day

all day every day

while I tried to get my feet on the ground and my business off the ground

you never hurt my feelings so I let you cuddle me for as much time as you liked

all night every night

while I slept right by your side

you were the perfect warmth

you were the perfect love

you showed me pieces of a person I had never met with my heart

but now I guess it doesn’t matter because all your wishes and all the glitter are just like stars

really far away and not very attainable

big 50 lyf - LEGALI$E

BIG 50 LYF

I am awake of too many kinds. I feel too concerned with the world. I dream of nowhere. It is thinner than the galaxy? Is it because I read of presidents who give back? I expect more of our nation. Tbh I hate NZ. I heard about a president who legalized cocaine to make it safe. You know, prescribing it to addicts and eliminating gang involvement and setting standards for purity.
“Driving under the influence of drugs is common and widespread, yet only one in 10 New Zealanders perceive it to be an issue.” I think majority rulz and we should legalize + promote greenz. I think these 'driving on drugs' ads have at least informed our government of our beautiful stash here in NZ.. and hopefully that has increased the awareness of the huge impact of marijuana on NZ. It is not only an emotional bond with mother earth, but in most cultures, a spiritual rite. I don’t think this rite should not be taken from any individual. I mean, you earned a bit of smoking right?

So I just went for it and took it. It’s not that I’m embarrassed and that’s why I don’t want anyone to see me, it’s just that, I really like to push myself to not get caught.

I fear I’m becoming increasingly numb to the mundane samplings of love I am dished out. The world is dangerous. I nearly die every day, but I somehow don’t. I never really have to think about it at all. I am not fighting for survival by any means. Language is the opportunity we needed to really embrace each other. Love? It’s lost on me.

People write their signs and I am to obey. People write laws and I have to adhere. Why does this make me sick? Why do I want to fuck things up so bad? I want to fuck things up NEW ZEALAND, I want to fuck things up.

Now, I hope that everyone can see that I will.

Starting with, I won’t read your sign for $9.99, I’ll just help myself.

I am sort of not generally inclined to be interested in sticking to rules. But well, that comes from a miscommunication that started way back in my early years and confused my perception of humanity. This altered my ability to love generically. If I was capable of actual love, then I would have had to be raised in perfect love. Impossible! So of course early on in life, something ruined me, spoiled me rotten in this way.

I’m taking shape and I’m not falling apart.

Yeah, keep saying it. You’ll believe it sooner or later.

I have never succumb to a culture, yes that’s how I see it. I have sampled many and none are satisfactory. I am stuck with the culture I belong to. The culture of Auckland City. What we have to do as humans is be in constant war. Why are we living in society like this? Love has ruined everything about nature! Why can’t anyone see that? You are all delusional, we should not be under the law. This is a case of freedom and rights! We should not use money. We are ruining everything about nature with money also. DELETE money from planet earth today!

As if.

Just fall apart New Zealand. I am pulling your roots out from the ground.

We live in peace, just agree. We needs to legalize some things.

And is that why I hate you? No way. No man. It’s the 21st century and we live under pressure. 2013 might explode us, well I hope so. I just want to fuck this place up. No good could possibly come of anything but war. Even if that war is against the earth and not each other. We are built to survive on working hard. We should have not let love and money go so far. We are going to die as a species if we don’t learn how to live.

Habitual zen & true love & guardians

Life taught me to die.

guardian aliens, 2012

There is something that changes when you’ve been selfish about things for long enough. That AWKWARD moment when your life has no meaning because all of it has been based on your own possibilities, your ideals. These past actions: impulsive in fleeting moments, a string of self indulgent pleasures. Hard to decline, not that you tried. Impossible to regret. You never really thought about things at the time, it just felt natural. Right. Nothing on your mind, until now. Then when you lie in bed - in that moment - you automatically pray, ‘God what do you think of all I’ve done?’ You listen. Nobody answers. Wait, you think you felt it. The answer. Something inside (or possibly outside) is telling you that you can do better, you deserve better. What you have learnt is that following your every instinct doesn’t always equal success. This is terrifying and it makes you feel lost. Then when you lie in bed you pray, ‘God, are you even there?’ And suddenly you are searching for God.

The age of the glory of the one true love.

I don’t need a mirror to see that i am flawed. But love to me is love to him.

deities, 2012

don't go there, 2012

spiral, 2012

push th little daisies, 2012

not on my fence, 2012

natural love, 2011

self help, 2011

I always get what I want, so I try not to want too much.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

NATURAL HABITAT - my introduction to auckland city

Don’t fall for American English translations, unless you want to.

sky tower, 2012

I must have taken photos on most days of my whole life by this point. Every day I go back far far in to the earlier months, and I have a fond reminiscence of the particular day when I took the photo. Then I make the colors feel like I do. How sweaty I was in February, or how warm I was in April, for example. I like to do that every day. I use a Nikon D90 with Lomography lenses (mostly). I like the way the light bounces off the plastic. Sometimes I edit, sometimes I don't.

Colors are like musical notes, they can be happy or sad. I find every time of year has a different colored sky. This knowledge comes from taking photos of clouds. With my extensive collection I can play the Autumn sky for effect. You will hear me every Autumn say, “you never see a sky like this ANY time except Autumn!” That is when I take photos of the sky for hours a day. Especially after lunch time. Because the sky reacts to the sun’s light at that time, it changes color every few seconds. It makes me feel a certain way, like MJ, and I try to play the colors in that way. I don’t even have a favorite color, let’s be honest.

So you can feel through colors what it’s like to live in Auckland in Autumn, with highs of 23°C. To live in temperatures of 14.7^°Cin the middle of winter.

Or you could feel any number of things depending on what I want to say that day. It is colder in Queenstown. I think you can see that in the sky. Just after being in 1^°Cweather for 3 days, I feel like I’m in a sauna, coming back to Auckland. The sky here is closer to the ground. Even though you’re standing around the clouds on top of mountains in the fresh air, the sky is really far away.

Not only the landscape, but the people. I am a person of a culturally diverse city. I am not belonging to any culture but the one of Auckland City. I am not belonging to Irish culture, like my parents are. I am loosely tied to it, understanding of it, but not belonging to it. I am not belonging to Maori culture like a lot of my friends are. I am influenced by it, but I am not belonging to it. I am only part of the culture here, and now, living and breathing, in Auckland City.

The community here is not perfect, but it supports me enough that I can (almost) live off self-taught skills and art. The appreciation for DIY and Kiwi artists in Auckland is very strong. If only the economy were as strong!

This is all about Auckland, and the way the sun touches it. And clouds water it. And water clouds it. And we live in it. This is a documentation of Auckland culture and scenery, as enjoyed/ perceived by me. I hope that one day, my images of Auckland will be all over Auckland.